Monday, June 6, 2011
Dear Lottie, have you really been with mama for a week? Man time has flown by. I keep reminding myself how many days you've been here, as if somehow holding the days in my mind will keep them elusively slipping by. Life as a mama to two hasn't been nearly as difficult as I expected. The "work" comes easily. It has helped that dad is home, grandma Cris stayed one night, and Grandpa Bet and Shauna came for the weekend. We've had SEVEN amazing meals brought to us. The whole family and ward just absolutely loves you.
This time around has also been so much easier because you nurse so well and efficiently that I hardly know what to do with all the extra time to just hold you. You also sleep SOOOOO much during the day. You seem to be fussy when you aren't sleeping so I just let you sleep, even though the Dr. encourages trying to keep you awake a little. This, because your days and nights are still a little off. I don't worry about it at all as I know you'll get on track eventually. I'm not afraid of a little lost sleep. Even with the mix up, you only wake 3 times a night. That's amazing comparatively. You tend to be awake from about 5am on, which is when I have dad help out. I've asked for help from dad a lot more this time around. I convince myself that doesn't make me a bad mom, that you'll still attach, and that it will help you and dad's relationship. I guess the experience has made things so much easier. I worry about 100% less that there is something wrong with you, that I'm doing something wrong, and that I'm ultimately going to ruin you. I feel like this is such an amazing gift; I can actually just soak up this amazingly special time with you as a newborn. What has been difficult is watching your sister struggle, and not knowing exactly how to best separate out my time. I'm constantly wondering if I'm giving you enough love and affection, and if I'm giving Lyla enough attention and love. If I'm holding you, I feel guilty I'm not playing with Lyla. If I'm playing with Lyla, I'm worried you're not being held enough. I'm not sure why I'm ranting about this, but I want you to know that I want nothing more than to give you all the love and affection that you need. I want you to know how happy I am to have you here. I've referred to you as a crack baby (without really thinking about the actual connotation) because my goodness you are addicting. I really can't get enough. I'm a little sad that I don't get to hold you 23 hours a day like I did with Lyla. I'm a little sad that I force myself to put you down to spend time with you lovable little sister, but I suppose it's good for the both of us (or, the three of us). There are moments, especially in the quite of the early morning, when I look down on you and am certain I am the most luckiest woman on the earth. Thanks for being ours. Love, mom
4/19/11 (5 Days Old) Stats
Weight: 7lbs2oz….28%
Height: 20 inches….61%
Head: 14 inches….60%
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