Letters to Lyla and Lottie

Just wanted to say thanks to all of you for your kind words of support. I didn't think anyone would be too interested in the story so thank you all for being so concerned about me...I feel so very loved. The truth is, its been almost two weeks now and I know pretty much nothing. I've had an echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart that is really quite creepy) and had a halter monitor for 24 hours (which sucked by the way). Basically, they said overall my heart is in good condition. I don't have enlarged valves (which would otherwise mean just put your name on the transplant list) and I don't have any other major problems that would warrant surgery (which is funny because the thought of having surgery never even crossed my mind-ignorance is bliss I guess). It also doesn't look like I have any clots. So really the only problem is that my heart rhythm is a little crazy and a little scary. It basically has one normal beat, one really fast beat, then one really slow beat, then one really overcompensated beep (bc too much blood has pooled from the slow beat) and then the process repeats in a really regular way. I meet with a cardiologist next Monday so we'll see what he has to say. This big question to me is why all the sudden this happened? If I've supposedly had this crazy beat all my like (which many providers over the years have recognized) why did it act up just that once? And, what's going to keep it from doing that again? My guess is this specialist is going to say he's not worried-that my heart is irregular but that it is okay to live with. Not too optimistic about getting tons of answers but I'm kind of okay with that--I feel completely fine. That's all I know for now. Thanks again everyone!!!

The Heart is a very important organ. Vital to life. An ambulance ride to the E.R. was my not-so subtle reminder. First, I am fine. Alive and well. Here's the story....Thursday night I was in SLC for work. I was staying in a hotel by myself. I checked in at about five pm and basically laid on the bed the rest of the evening because I was so tired. I was working on the computer for a few hours and decided to get off when my vision went very blurry. I thought I was just tired and had been on the computer too long-although that has never happened to me before. I just kept closing my eyes and squinting but I could not see anything-only very fuzzy images. I decided to get into the bath to rest. About half way in I felt dizzy and nauseas so decided I better get out- as the thought of passing out and drowning in the bath tub kinda freaked me out. My vision just got worse. I started to feel like I couldn't breath. I tried to open the window but I couldn't focus my eyes enough to do so. I kept having to sit down and refocus. I tried to watch Grey's but it just made me want to puke-I could barely make out the image of the TV. So I called Todd and told him what was up-he begged me to just call my mom and see what she thought (she's a nurse). At this point I noticed my arm was going numb and yes it was the left arm. As I was talking to my mom my whole left side pretty much went numb including my toes, lips, tongue and tip of my nose. Weird. Still, I just thought I was really tired. I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. I was just wore down. My mom very calmly asked me to continue talking to her and said it was probably nothing. Little did I know, she was writing on a piece of paper asking my sister to call 911. She just didn't want me to get worked up more. Meanwhile, Todd called his sister and asked her to come take me to an instacare (that was the only thing I would agree to-I wasn't going to pay for an E.R. visit!). She left from Magna. A number of things then transpired. I opened the door to read Todd the room number bc I couldn't remember it-I later found out I read it to him wrong. The ambulance called me to tell me they were on the way. I told them to go home-that I was just tired. My mom freaked. My mom kept passing the phone along to my sisters-trying to distract and keep me on the line in case I passed out. My mom was pretty certain I was having a stroke. My mom is a level headed person. It was bad that she was freaked. The next 20 or so minutes I don't really remember. I recall telling Jenny that I better go to the lobby-bc I was pretty sure I was gonna pass out. She was NOT calm. She was yelling at me-stay still. I could tell she was freaked which freaked me (she is also a nurse). And then I realized I wasn't fine. I was gonna pass out for good-I kept having momentary blackouts. So I told Jenny, "Okay I don't think I'm okay" "I'm gonna open the lock". And with hollywood flare, I opened the door going down. My legs buckled, and then I saw Shauna walking down the hall. It was a miracle she found me. It couldn't have been better timing. She helped me outside just as the ambulance pulled up. I wanted Shauna to take me to the E.R. I didn't want to pay for an ambulance ride and I told em just that (yes, still stupidly stubborn or maybe just not thinking clearly). The EMT very calmly told me that they could hook me up to the heart monitor for free and just check things out-that it didn't charge unless they actually transported me (I think he was lying).

I agreed and found myself lying on the stretcher with IV's and monitors ALL over my body (like from my toes to my chest). When my heart rhythm registered on the screen the big funny EMT next me said "oh shit" and then got a dirty look from the lead EMT. I still wasn't catching on. I was told to take two aspirins and I said "no thank-you, you guys over charge for that kind of stuff". HAHA. I am such a stubborn idiot (they do over charge though). I was told it wasn't optional, I had to take that and NITRO. The lead EMT kept asking me to look at him-and kept rambling about how it was probably nothing-that I was just nervous and hyperventilating. Then he said, "let me guess, your lips, tongue, and nose are tingling". CHECK. He asked a few more ?'s with the same confirmation from me. STILL, I didn't get it. He just kept saying it was no big deal-joking that that I needed a paper bag. Duped again. Before we took off he got out and told Shauna he thought I was having a heart attack. And then, when I tried to suggest again that Shauna take me he said, "there's a good chance your heart will stop beating". Ok. I shut up and finally got nervous.

I saw the lights flashing, blinked, and was in the E.R. It had snowed the whole way and I had no clue. The EMTs were good at asking questions and keeping me busy. He said, "ahh she's in bigeminy" with such ease that I thought it was a good thing! It's kind of a cool name right? My mom later told me that is the rhythm your heart goes in right before you flat line. So you get the picture. It was not good.

Once in the E.R. it was a flood of tests. 8 blood tests and one pee test to be exact. Then came the EKG and other tests. The resident doctor and attending kept tag teaming me. Shauna, my guardian angel and I were very confused. The nurse would clarify when she could but we still didn't know what was going on. Was this a stroke? a heart attack? nothing at all? We heard two hypothesis. One, that some hormones I was on, combined with all the driving, caused a blood clot close to my heart (aka pulmonary embolism). Or two, that I had an arrhythmia that wasn't as harmless as previously thought. To back up a bit, when I was 16 I was told I have an irregular heart beat, PVCs (electrical current in the heart going the opposite direction), and a murmur. Years ago, all were checked out to be fine. Of no concern. I could live a billion years with my heart. So hypothesis two postulated that the condition was not-so fine. My mom told me then, there are two types of arrhythmias; the kind you can treat and the kind you die from. Hmm.

Regardless of the cause, I got one clear answer which explained why I couldn't see etc. Since my heart was in a chaotic, non-productive rhythm, it was just pooling blood in my heart instead of pumping it out....not pumping out oxygen...not allowing me to breath and feel normal. So at least I didn't imagine the whole thing. I was told that in the ER they would rule out any life threatening things and then refer me out for other care. They ruled out a stroke and heart attack. If I did have a clot it was of no substance anymore. I kind of think the doctors were stumped. I wasn't going to die, but my heart was definitely not working right. Finally, when explaining what was going on in my heart, the resident said, "it's just....jacked up". Haha. At around 3am they discharged me with orders to get a full cardio work up-echnocardiogram etc, see a heart rhythm specialist, and have 24 hour monitoring from a halter monitor. Meanwhile, Todd, my mom, and Zach left Cedar in a blizzard to come to my rescue. I'm told Zach drove because Todd and my mom were unstable. They arrived about 30 mins after I was discharged. My mom went into momma bear mode and arranged to have all follow up care done in St. George. I scared a lot of people and I felt really bad. That night, Shauna (again, the guardian angel) got my family a hotel room next to mine. My mom insisted on sleeping in the same room as me. I woke up in the early am to her hovering over my face. That nearly gave me a heart attack. Haha.

All in all, I've been pretty lucky. It could have been a lot worse. It's been four days now and I am doing fine. Aside from feeling very sleepy all the time, I feel pretty normal. My only complaint is that my husband is babying me! He is paranoid at my every move and asks me 20 times a day if I am ok. He even tried to make me ride in one of those electronic skooters at Wal Mart. Haha. I know it's out of pure love though:) I have been blessed with such great family. To Shauna, I am so grateful to you. Your constant kindness and selflessness towards people never ceases to amaze me. I don't know what I would have done without you there. And getting that hotel room for my family was so incredibly kind. Thank you again. A thousand times. And to my over bearing mom, paranoid Husband, and Zach, you guys are the best. thank you so much. I am alive and well. Thanks for reading this really long, maybe boring story.