welcome to my internet home. this blog used to be cool, with insights about mental health, social policy, pop culture and the like. now, it's a chaotic collection of my mis-spelled, scribbled-down notes on motherhood (who has time to proof read?). it's over-ran with goldfish cracker crumbles, slobery wet kisses, and un-edited pictures. and i would have it no other way. feel free to laugh and cry along side me while I balance a practice (mental heath) and motherhood, and their interconectedness

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Temple Squzzzzzzare

A few weeks back we headed to SLC to go to the lights at temple square and to see Aunt Callie. It was so blistery cold that we only spent a few minutes on the grounds but for some reason I thought Lyla needed that experience. It currently makes no sense to me whatsoever. She was bundled immensely in the bjorn and never even saw a single light. Oh well. One day I'll get my sense back. WE had a good time though. After we went to Cheesecake Factory which is always worth the drive to Salt Lake!

-note my Christmas light leggins-

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

3 Months

Dear Lyla girl. You are getting so big. You became a person overnight and while I absolutely adore the funny/brilliant/sweet/lovable/amazing little gal that you have become, I mourn the things about you that are gone now for good. Like the snuggle baby that couldn't lift her head away from my chest to make eye contact. The baby that could spent hours in my arms (okay you still can spend hours there but now you're awake the whole time!). And the baby that was just so so tiny. It's okay though. The new, big you is pretty great too. You turn 3 months on the 15th. We celebrated by taking you to the public library for the first time (we hoped to get you your own card but it was a no go). We did however, score some pretty sweet Christmas books AND some books that teach little ones, and dopey mommies all the nursery rhymes and songs. We hoped this celebration was more fun than the savings account you got for your two-month birthday (sorry about that...you'll thank us later). Now back to this little personality. It's so weird. It's like I know you now. I anticipate how you will react to things and just can't get enough of interacting with you. We spend hours talking in coos and goos while exchanging smiles. I spend hours a day watching you take in the world around you. What it must be like to learn and experience everything for the first time-and in a new and more sophisticated way each time. I love experimenting with different objects of different sizes and colors- and with different intonations and types of sounds. You react differently to all things around you and I can't tell you how exciting it is to be apart of your zeal for life. Here's some other things about you...

  • Your favorite book is undoubtedly the Chirpy Chick. It's a big board book (the biggest I could find) with bright colors, textiles like fur, and even sounds (like a tractor starting up). You smile when I first pull the book out and watch intently as we go through the pages. I have yet to find another book so large so we read this one several times a day.
  • You slobber a lot! I'm told Dad passed this trait on to you. I'm starting to think the whole bib thing isn't such a bad idea.
  • You are such a strong kicker. I first learned this while you were in utero but man have you gotten even stronger. It makes changing your diaper interesting at times as you kick me away. I have socks with rattles in them that will make for fun play once they fit you.
  • You now rub my chest while you're eating. It has got to be one of the very most treasured experiences I have with you. I just know you're telling me you love me. Makes all the heartache and frustration I went through breastfeeding worth it.
  • You've started your musical training. I swore I'd never push you into anything but I secretly hope you'll play and instrument. I play you all types of classical music throughout the day. You kick and clearly acknowledge the music. So far you're not the biggest Mozart fan but you enjoy the less-angry Beethoven music, Debussy and Brahms. I have also played my violin for you and you haven't cried so my self esteem has stayed somewhat in tact:)
  • You have the sleeping habits of a rapid cycling bipolar. You will have 3-4 days where I cannot believe what little sleep you get-all day, all night. You're not really crying or anything-just up. These days are followed by nights where I wake in a panic 6-7 hours later because you're still sleeping. Even after an amazing night's sleep-you'll nap for up to 3 hours in the day. It's like you go on benders and then crash hard. I hope this ends soon:)
  • You've enjoyed the comedy of Couples Retreat, the drama of New Moon, and the feel goodness of the Blind Side. Some movies you seemed to enjoy more than others. New Moon was clearly at the bottom of the list as you had two blow outs and wanted to eat the entire time.
  • You're learning and making associations all the time. Now, when I put you in the swing you automatically look up because you know the mobile will soon start moving. You have learned where that whining and putting on a show will get you fed quicker, and so on.
  • You have full on conversations with people. You coo and goo in response to people talking to you and make all sorts of different sounds. Couldn't be cuter.
  • You also laugh a lot which is infectious of course.
  • You've had your first cold which I think we're finally rid of. You had a very stuffy nose for about 3 weeks but had not other symptoms thank goodness. I did a lot of bugger snuffing followed by drops that made you extremely upset.
  • We think you officially have blue eyes (must be the milk man's)
  • I think you're going to be an intellectual sort and enjoy reading. So far you've wondered in awe at just how hungry the hungry caterpillar was, jumped with excitement at the start up of the rusty old farm truck, and laughed with amusement at the imagination of the wild things.
guess I don't need to say it, but we love you little stinker.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Last Wednesday

.In the soft whispers of the night.
I sat by our big bay window
watching the snow fall
illuminated by the street light
and rocked my babe
to the off-key melody of silent night
.It was lovely.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Still got it?

Perhaps I can do the work/mom thing afterall. It's been a worry (not to be revisited until I really return back to work...March 15th),
We've been working on a protocol for service provision of homeless youth for quite sometime. In fact, I participated in an impossible-to-reschedule conference call with legal and child welfare experts on my very hospital bed after giving birth (note: I really haven't work more than a few hours here and there since). BUT, the protocol needed to be rolled out and my supervisor frantically asked me to do it as it was too overwhelming to her. I do not exagerrate when I say I literally wrote this puppy while Lyla was on the boob. I figured, it won't impact her either way If I work while she does. It was a labor of love (mostly due to the conflicting legal and ethical ramifications).
It got some press HERE
Maybe, just maybe, I still got it.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

It's beginning to look...

And feel a lot like Christmas. I have thoroughly enjoyed doing the Christmasy fun activities with my new little companion (and my old big companion). Having a house seems to have increased the Christmasy joy as well. Lyla has...

Visited the Festival of Trees
Bundled up to play in the SNOW (ish)

Wrapped Christmas Presents (and listed to Pachelbel..classical training)
Decorated the tree!
-During- Hanging the topper
My little assistant (sleeping on the job)
We decided to do a BYU tree (the Christmas card photo will be of us in our BYU garb...even Ty). I made various ornaments by taking BYU stickers, etc. and putting them on blue and silver ornaments.

and last but not least, read Christmas books

About five seconds after this photo Lyla decided a book about a Christmas candle was dumb and threw a giant fit.

A few night ago I busted out the violin and played Lyla some Christmas songs. She listened contently. It was fun.

Monday, December 7, 2009

It's a material world...

.and I'm a material girl.
Yep. I joined the ranks of men and women who sacrifice sleep, personal space, and down right good sense in the name of a deal. can I just say that I never expected to get so overtaken by this consumer-driven frenzy. I'm slightly ashamed.

So. I woke up at 4am (after Lyla didn't go to sleep until 1pm and then woke for an hour's feeding at 2:30am) and since Lyla was sleeping sound, I did a quick 20 minute pump, left instructions for Todd and jetted off with Melissa in tow. The rest of the family was already at their respective stores with their respective marching orders. The night before we had mapped out all of our desired purchases, their locations within the store, and prioritized each item in the event a triage situation arise. I was a bit nervous because Todd has never given her a bottle when I haven't been there but these concerns were quickly replaced once the image of wal-mart, with a full parking lot at 4 am, came into view. Wow. This could get interesting.

I guess I could sum up the whole experience by saying this: I went in for a computer chair and a leap and learn thing for Lyla, and left with things stacked a good 3ft above my cart. There's no other way to put it that I was downright taken OVER by the need for a good deal. Who cares if I didn't need it!? It's a good deal! If a swarm of people were going after something, I just piled it on. Half the time I didn't even know what I was throwing in my cart but if other people wanted it, I must too right?! After Wally was cleaned out, I met up with Jenny to shove things in every nook and cranny of 2 SUVs and my car. After hitting Staples and Big Lots, we gathered at IHOP to share tales from our shopping experience. It was like a gathering of meth addicts after a good hit. We were high on consumerism.

After the high had subsided, I realized the error of my ways and took back EVERYthing except the two damn items I set out for. I had the take things back in shifts because I was so ashamed.
.think I'll skip black Friday next year.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


I swear. Lyla has the most telling expressions. It cracks me up.
"Uh, I'm ignoring you"
"You're bugging me!"

"Okay, I guess you're not that annoying"
"Maybe a little funny even" "Thinking about smiling..."
"Fine. I'll smile"