welcome to my internet home. this blog used to be cool, with insights about mental health, social policy, pop culture and the like. now, it's a chaotic collection of my mis-spelled, scribbled-down notes on motherhood (who has time to proof read?). it's over-ran with goldfish cracker crumbles, slobery wet kisses, and un-edited pictures. and i would have it no other way. feel free to laugh and cry along side me while I balance a practice (mental heath) and motherhood, and their interconectedness

Friday, December 31, 2010

More Halloween Fun

We have a fun little tradition of icing cookies for Halloween. Todd has always appeased me in the activity. This year Lyla got to play! She mostly LOVED licking the beaters...and the spoon...and whatever else she could get her hands on. Pretty much love that Lyla gets to be a part of these things.


We have a great tradition of going to Thriller just before Halloween. It always gets me in the mood for dressing up and being creepy! We brought along miss Lyla this year which was a little risky since it could have been cold and she could have been too antsy...but neither were true! She snuggled with me the whole time and was actually quite infatuated with the dancing. She would shake and bobb her head. What a fun little partner in crime. Thriller was very entertaining as always.

Lyla got invited to a play group Halloween Party just before Halloween. I think she was a little overwhelmed at just how many kids were at this party. In time, she warmed up and crawled around with the few kiddos there her age. She stole toys from the cute little boy dressed as a horsie. He was half her age and bigger than her.

This One TOO...

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

13 Months

Dear Lyla,
You are 13 months my baby. Officially a 1 year old. Officially BIG. I've learned that the older you get, the more I get to practice patience. You are SO smart, and I'm not just saying that because I'm your mom. When you're a doctor and supporting your parents I'll be thrilled. Right now it means you are SO curious and able to exert your independence. I can hardly out smart you over anything. One of your favorite games is the get-whatever-mom-doesn't-want-me-to-have-at-any-cost game. You are kind of going through another mommies girl phase. I have to be honest...I LOVE it. You are my little partner in EVERYTHING I do. You accompany me to the potty and wish you could join me in the shower (sometimes I relent and strip you down just so you can come). This month's theme is MIMIC. It was like somewhere in your brain, it clicked and since then you do whatever anyone else does. It's fascinating to watch you grown and process these things your little body can do. As always, I must end by telling you how much we love you. Imagining a life without you is heartbreaking. What happiness we never knew we were missing. Thank you, love.
You still love climbing in and out of things. I much have 100 pictures of this
You lead the music with your hands in primary. Adorable
You put the phone to your ear and babble, indicating that you know its purpose
You have 5 teeth now
You can do the hand motions of the itsy bitsy spider
You raise your arms to me A LOT. It's cute..most the time :)
You can use a cup on your own pretty good now
You love any soft blanket and will lay your head on it...but still won't sleep with it!
You shake your head no
When eating something you particularly love, you whine to get one for both hands.
You point to things you want a lot now
You dig on a little Ke$ha from time to time
You give the best open-mouthed kisses
You still wear 6-12 month clothes
You sleep about 11 hours a night straight now. It's like you actually need sleep now. It's clear when you're tired and seem to sleep so much deeper now. It's GREAT! Love sleeping all night. Best gift ever..thanks babe.
You rock a killer chipmunk face
You still LOVE the bath. You know when it's time to get out by the sound of the water draining and scoot to the back. It kills me! You love this musical toy that sits on the side of the tub.
You think it's hilarious to put things over your head and walk around...until you bonk into the wall. You are a funny little creature.
This month you gave mom the scare of trying to eat random pills. I don't think I've ever been so scared. It was a not-so-welcomed reminder of how much my heart rests in your hands.
Meal times are interesting. You are SO messy because you want to run the spoon/fork and feed yourself. It seems like you eat all day long. I get pretty stressed about making sure you're getting the calories you need (your dr wants me to add all sorts of things to the food to increase calories). If there's one thing I hate stressing about, it's getting you to eat!
You do the touchdown sign. Dad is impressed.
You got the WEAN this month. I hardly even call it that. You just seemed to know breastfeeding was over and moved on to milk. It was so nice.
You are impatient, as I'm sure all kids your age are. You can't even wait for your pop goes the weasel toy to pop! lol you start whining.
You love looking at pictures on the wall at home and at church
Next month, I'm SURE you'll be walking...you stand well, and cruise around on furniture.
You bring books to me to read and insist on sitting on my lap. Oh how it melts my heart
Ice Cream
Anything w/ Nutella
Pastas (spagetti, alfredo)


We went to Idaho around the end of October. We thoroughly enjoyed visiting family and of course watching the BYU game. We went into Logan one of the days for some shopping. Bet spoiled us as always. I always feel very zen after we visit....something about getting away from it all. Here's us on Bet's new toy.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Yes I'm the world's slower blogger (thank my lap top destroyer Lyla, who won't allow any computer time when she's awake).
At the beginning of October, Jenny+kids, my Mom, Melis and Me+Lyla went to the Pumpkin Patch in Paragonah. We went early this year hoping to find the cream of the crop and I would say we did! We each got a little pumpkin patch to take home. Lyla fell asleep on the way there and only woke up for the last 5 minutes of our trip. I bet she wishes she would've stayed asleep. Have you ever heard of a child that's afraid of pumpkins?! Because Lyla is. As you can see in the photos, there's a look of sheer terror when placed by the pumpkins. I felt like the worst mom ever after sitting her by them. Hopefully this isn't some weird phobia. hahaha.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Feeling Nostalgic

Senses are a funny thing. They can be so unimportant until they facilitate a memory or experience, making them so powerful. As winter has set in, I find my senses taking me back to a very beautiful place. Last winter, when I holed up for several months in my new house and loved on my snuggly newborn. Everything was so fresh..so exciting..so new. When the heat kicked on for the first time this winter, I was flooded with memories of Lyla and I by the sliding glass door watching it snow, or wrapped up in a blanket snuggling all day. It reminded me of all the emotions, feelings and experiences of those first few months being a mommy. The first time it snowed this year, I remembered late late nights when we'd be in the rocker watching the snow fall under the street light. It brings memories of peace and the warmest fuzziest feelings of nostalgia. I hope these memories flood me every time winter approaches as they will surely keep me warm. Babies really are the very best.


On September 29th I had my first experience calling poison control.
Lyla was helping me in the bathroom as usual. I was brushing my teeth and she was playing in the cupboard below. She pulled out a drawer from a little plastic container thing and I let her continue to play in it since it just held hair things. A few seconds later, I looked down just to be sure she wasn't into anything and that's when I saw a little blue pill (not viagra...hahah). And panic set in. I grabbed the little drawer and there were 4 different looking pills. I had no idea if she had eaten 1 or more, or any. After an Internet search and a frantic conversation with Todd, I learned 2 pills were Zyrtec, an allergy pill and the other was a generic Tylenol pm. These were as old as our marriage at least. I kept replaying the event, trying to decide if she could have had the chance to swallow a pill or not. The irrational side of me kept thinking she probably swallowed a fist full, but playing it out, I knew at best she could have only swallowed 2. That didn't' make me feel better though. What do I do? Go straight to the ER? Assume she's fine??? Ahhh. It was pretty late at night. I finally called poison control and found out that even had she taken 2-3 of each kind of pill, she would be fine. Why I didn't just call them sooner I don't know (I guess because I wasn't sure what she had or had not taken). At worst, she'd just be tired (ha!)

Relief is the only word to describe the experience! I burst into tears and irrationally cried for awhile. It was just such a real reminder of how precious life is. I had let myself think what life could be like without her which was truly the worst feeling in the world. Frightening. I'm happy to report Lyla wasn't even over tired. She slept normally and has been fine. Man, it's tough being a mom.

12 months

Dear Lyla,
You have been with us for one whole year my baby. How did that happen? It's no exaggeration to say it's been the best year of my life. There is nothing like the feeling of being your mom. There is nothing like waking up to your smiling face, when you let me cuddle you. There is nothing like your ear to ear grin, with little teeth poking out. Like when you get real close to my face to talk, and take me in. There is nothing like a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss from you. There is nothing like your raised arms beckoning for me to grab you. There's nothing like comforting you, watching you experience something for the first time, or being a part of your life every single day. Your 12th month will go down as another one of my favs. Each day is like getting to chill with my mini BFF. You get things enough now that we can laugh and play and learn together. I just love watching you play with toys. You go all over all day and love figuring out how each toy works. You're not soo big yet though, which means you'll cuddle and love on your mama. Thanks for this year my baby. Congrats to you for all you've accomplished in this short time. It's been a pleasure.
The Theme of this months is Communication. You are so good now at telling me in one form or another what you want and need. You are a master at using grunts, whines, begs and cries to tell me what you want. Pointing and reaching are also a big part of your new communication skills. It helps that you are so incredibly expressive. People remark all the time that you have the best facial expressions. You have the whine face, the happy face, the smile face, the contemplative face, the offended face..and the list goes on. It's really great to be able to interact this way and not have to guess as much at what you want. Just wait until you can talk!

in12 Month STATS
Weight: 15 lbs 09 oz..... {point}16%
Height: 26.50 inches.....1%
Head Circumference: 17.25.....14%

My itty bitty babe!

Here' some other things about your 12th month...

  • You squish your nose all the time now. When you're bored, mad, sad. It's cute and funny

    You are NOT a fan of blankets when you sleep. No matter how asleep I think you are, you know the instant you're covered and kick and squirm until you are not covered

    You love to share your food...to us, to Ty, whomever.

    You can say HI

    You can drink from a cup now

    You raise your arms all the time to get what you want. You raise them to get picked up, if you want something we have...you name it
  • Now that you're very mobile and understand where mom goes, you follow me EVERYWHERE. I have a new partner when I use the bathroom and shower. I love when you pull back the curtain of the shower and smile as if you've found the most precious prize. You usually drench yourself in the process too.

    You make the motions of the itsy bitsy spider climbing the web. It is to die for! You put your little pinchers together and nod to the song. You are SO smart.

    One day something just clicked in your brain that you can mimic. Now you do everything we do...you'll raise your arms, make similar facial expressions, stick out your tongue, etc, etc. It was so amazing that one day we finally saw that you understood and really grasped what we were doing.

    You had 5 teeth starting your 12th month

    As evident from the pictures, you still LOVE climbing in things

    You take our cell phones and put them to your ear as if you're talking. It's so adorable

    You can lead the music. When music is playing, you'll raise your arms and swing them like the chorister.

    You LOVE ice cream. I think you'd eat it for every meal if we'd let you. You beg and whine as soon as you see it

    You can shake your head NO! If we try to give you food you don't want or someone picks you up who you don't want to, you let them know you're NOT okay with it!

    You love the minky blanket gran gave you. You'll crawl over to it and lay your head on it and rub it. Lord knows you won't sleep with it though!

    When eating something you really like you want one for both hands!

    You drink milk really well and go through a half gallon a week

    You point to things when you want them

    You dig on twinkies

    You give kisses! I love when you learned this to this. I feel so loved when you open your mouth and lean in towards me.

    September 29th was the most monumental day perhaps in your life. At 12 months and a few weeks, YOU FINALLY SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!! 8 whole hours of uniterrupted bliss. I felt as if I'd been at a spa retreat for months. Honestly, people had hassled me for months that I hadn't let you cry it out yet...but I really just knew that you would get it by the time you were one. I just knew it. When 12 months came along and you were still waking up 4-6 times a night and not napping, I started doubting myself, but you got it!!! I knew you would my love. Since then it's been better and better. You now sleep about 12 hours a night and take a regular 1-2 hour nap. You sleep so soundly I can't beleive how different it is from before. I'm so glad I waited and you caught on. Thanks a million baby girl.

    You LOVE nutella. Thank goodness for it because it adds calories to bananas and bread which you desperately need.

    You gasp when you get excited. It's killer

    You HATED shots at your 12 month. I can't say I blame you. It was so sad...I think with the flu shot you got 5 total.

    You now listen when I read you books and will sit still without turning the pages. It is great

    As you got closer to 13 months, you started to HATE when I shower. You used to love finding me and would chill while I finished. Now you bawl and scream until I get out. I don't know if you're just that needy or it you think something bad is happening to me while I'm in there. I usually grab you up all soaking wet and you rub my shoulder until I calm you down. It's so sad that now I only shower when I can get dad or somebody to chill with you (which still usually pisses you off)

    You chipmunk your food. You act like somebody's going to snatch your food away so you shove tons in your mouth and store it in there until it can be all swallowed. It's amazing how much food you can keep in there without choking.

    You still LOVE bathing. Now you know when I start to drain the water and scoot to the back of the tub! You smart stinker! I love how much you love it though. You have this bath toy that plays music that you bob your head to and sqeal to. It's so funny.
  • You really like putting random things on your head, like clothing or whatever. Yet, you won't wear bows or hats that actually go on your head, go figure

    You eat basically what we do now which is very nice...but messy. You love pastas like spagettis and alfreado, macaroni and cheese, pizza, hamburgers (sometimes) yogurt, bananas, toast with nutella, chicken noodle soup, and milk. You hate pretty much all other fruits and veggies and most meats. It's lovely. I have to get pretty creative trying to get good foods in your tummy

    You can say mama and papa so good now. I love it

    You're much closer with dad now, or show affection to him more. You point and say DA excitedly when he gets home

    You whine and beg instantly when you see a treat you want. Even hearing the wrapper of a candy in the other room. You have a 6th sense when it comes to chocolate and you hunt it down!

    By the time you turned 12 months, you had pretty much weaned yourself. It might have helped that my supply likely decreased with the pregnancy. You now breastfeed once before bed and that's it! Otherwise milk in a sippy is sufficient. My that was easy! You didn't seem to care/notice at all. Pretty suprising.

    You are INPATIENT! Oh my. When you want something you make it known...and beg and whine til you get it. You even whine during pop goes the weasel until it finally pops!

    You LOVE pictures of yourself on the wall. Dad says nothing cheers you up like yourself:) You point and smile and want to look all day long.

    You bring books to me now that you want me to read to you. Oh this melts my heart. I wanted you to love books. I scoop you up and read away. Its' great.