Letters to Lyla and Lottie

Two Weekends Ago: September 12, 2008
In the way of updates, last weekend I had my seemingly standard Friday meetings in SLC and then we headed to Provo for the BYU vs. UCLA game. Holy pooh was that a fun game to watch. I have to admit, I hate "good games"--ones where the score is close and you're wondering to the bitter end who will win. My nerves just can't take those kinda games. I clearly don't care that much about the win but I know Todd will be a whiny biotch the rest of the day in the event of a loss. SOOO, I loved this game. BYU 59 UCLA 0!!!!!. The entire second quarter was fumble, recovery and touchdown! I really liked it too bc all the second-stingers got to come in by the end of the third quarter and have their moment in the sun. Todd was laughing at me bc I cheered more for them than I do the starters--always a lover of the underdog. I wish I could convince Todd to write a bit about each game so that die hard football lovers might be midly interested in my football posts--but such is life. At this game I did however decide that when I get my life back again I am going to buy Football for Dummies and at least learn the terminology so I can sound like I know all about football. One of my favorite things to do is to memorize a line or two I hear on sports radio (the only damn thing we listen to when Todd is in the car) about the upcoming game and then recite it at the game. Todd will usually look at me in shock and say "how did you know that" haha good times. Anywho, what sparked this idea what this obnoxious woman we sit behind at the games. I'd say she's late twenties and goes to the game w/ her bro. She knows EVERYTHING about football and especially BYU football. She even knows the stats of the second-stringers. She calls them by name. She says things like "this reminds me of the 1974 BYU versus whatever game". She also questions the plays that are called and says, "why didn't they run a ____". This bitch is making me look bad---(and /i'm jealous of her obviously). She bursts my sterotype that women only like football to attract men (trust me, she's butch). Anywho, that's my new goal---dream big right.

We then hung out at the cabin and headed home from Provo Sunday afternoon. THE NEXT MORNING I returned to SLC for week long domestic violence training. I was carpooling w/ people from St. George so that's why I didn't just stay up there. It was pretty much the longest week of my damn life. I just wanted my own bed, to unpack a suitcase, and NOT spend everyday amongst corporate assholes at the Salt Palace (more on that later). Todd and I are both extraordinarily tired of life on the road.

Last Week: September 15th-19th
I give the conference mixed reviews. I'm told this is because for the first time in a decade the Utah Domestic Violence Center decided to combine conferences for service providers (me), shelter workers, and community members. The result was that many sessions were really intermediate and subsequently BORING for service providers. Most therapists were pretty pissed. I have very little experience in domestic violence (and it is not my thing) so I probably got more out of it than others. I had to go bc I will likely encounter some of this in my travels with the polygamist population.

The Keynote speaker was Susan Still. She has spoke on Oprah and 20/20 about her experience of being in an abusive relationship for 20 yrs. Her situation was noteworthy bc 1) her son was forced to video record while her husband beat the crap out of her and 2) her husband got the longest prison sentence ever for a domestic violence case (bc of the tape and bc her boss had recorded on her calendar when she came in w/ bruises. Susan [without having seen this calendar] had to chronicle each instance of abuse and bc this matched w/ the bosses report, her husband went away for a long time). This little description is sad in many ways 1) this story is noteworthy bc of sentencing. Any abuse should be noteworthy and not the norm right? and 2) bc it took so much for her husband to get put away for so long. Did you know domestic violence is a misdemeanor? Bigamy--faking a marriage when you're already married is a felony in Utah (why? in my opinion so we can prosecute the mormon "deviants") Where are our priorities? We're more concerned about someone being married twice than we are about women getting beaten--often to a point where hospitalization is needed? I am sad.

Here is a portion of the video of Susan featured on Oprah. WARNING---this is hard to watch but I think it's an issue we don't recognize enough. If you or anyone you know is in trouble call 1800-897-LINK or 1800-799-SAFE. When watching the video keep in mind that their son is filming. What set off this incident was that she asked him what he wanted for lunch. At one point her husband forces their son to hit his mother and tell her she's a stupid heffer. This power and control is hallmark of abuse. This man had so much power over his family that even after Susan left with her young sons, her 18 yr old daughter stayed w/ her father. He would not allow her to move away to college and forced her to quit school and get a job to pay for the bills "mommy left". He did not work. All children at one point also testified against Susan. Abuse is powerful.

Another highlight of the conference was a really animated speaker who spoke about the struggle women have in dating etc. after they've been in an abusive relationship. He said men have two sexual needs from women. That they 1) be available and 2) be enthusiastic about sex. Women have four sexual needs 1) that they have complete control over their body-so they initiate sexual acts instead of doing it out of guilt of being forced to 2) that they feel like they are skillful at sex 3) privacy and 4) that they have an unique and intimate connection with the partner. TRUE?

Back to my comment about corporate a-holes. I'm not saying big business people are a-holes but the business can be....or maybe it's marketing I take issue with. So the Salt Palace is basically a big cash cow. They charge for wireless Internet...15 bucks a day (McDonalds has free WIFI...seriously). They also do not reimburse for parking even though the conference was paying big bucks to host it there-their parking is 7 bucks a day. Anywho, my issue was really w/ marketing and the value society seems to place on things. So all week I say the GIANT banners that said Mavarie (or something like that). They featured fancy/sexy looking models holding a bottle of something. I bet each one cost 200 bucks...and their were billions throughout the Salt Palace. Oddly enough (this will make sense in a min) the banners said the product name and then "BELIEVE". So I didn't think much of this until I saw people setting up this prop-thing that basically make the entrance to a conference room look very grand and important. Their was columns and plants and fake furniture all highlighting this same product name. Their conference started on Thursday. So when I walked to my car I passed millions of people with the same bright green visors, laptop bags, water bottles, shirts, etc. etc. all featuring the same title. Then I finally leaned what this product and event was....a launch party for a new liqour. I have no doubt this conference cost in the millions. My conference....educating people on how to save a human life could barely have refreshments. This conference....on a new liqour spared no expense. I don't know really what I'm saying but it made me question the way we place our priorities in this world.

September 20th, 2008 A monumental event: Todd decided that we'd been gone just WAY too much lately and asked his brother to take our tickets. WAHOOO. I really do like going but after spending a total of 12 nearly consequtive days away from home, I was joyful. The kicker: TODD HAD TO LISTEN TO THE GAME. Thats right...even the extra channels we got did not have this game. I beleive it was on The Mountain which cannot be bought here in good ol' Cedar. You should have seen his face. I asked if he was okay and he said "I just had a mini panic attack but its okay. it just doesn't feel right". I guess I can respect the passion but my goodness sake! Anywho, we hope you had tons and tons of fun at the BYU versus Wyoming game Ted and Deb! We enjoyed a lazy weekend (we actually cleaned our house and put food in the fridge). We also took Ty baby on the lovely trail that starts at the canyon park in cedar and heads up Cedar mtn.

sorry that was wicked long.

for some reason I wanted to some accounting of our lives since I have no idea where it's going.