welcome to my internet home. this blog used to be cool, with insights about mental health, social policy, pop culture and the like. now, it's a chaotic collection of my mis-spelled, scribbled-down notes on motherhood (who has time to proof read?). it's over-ran with goldfish cracker crumbles, slobery wet kisses, and un-edited pictures. and i would have it no other way. feel free to laugh and cry along side me while I balance a practice (mental heath) and motherhood, and their interconectedness

Sunday, October 18, 2009

One Month

Good news. I've mastered the art of breastfeeding one handed so I can actually make this post on time ish! I uploaded a few pics a day (pathetic that I can't get anything done I know).
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It's true...it's been a month. It makes my stomach turn so I won't spend too much time talking about it. Is it bad that I just want her to stay a newborn forever?! I feel immense anxiety over this illusive little bugger we call time. I'll give you a little sneak peak into how crazy it makes me (not that you haven't had a complete visual if you've read this blog even once before)...Two days ago Todd informed me that the tape on my back from my epidural had finally came off completely. Imagine the flabbergasted look he gave me when I burst into sobs (poor Todd right?)! It can't be gone. I just gave birth like yesterday didn't I?! I also may never make it to that required 6-week doctor's appointment because I can't seem to bring myself to schedule it! That seemed so far away at the time. There was even a time I thought I could go back to work after 6 weeks. Yea right!

Enough of my craziness. Here's some things about Lyla at one month. It's okay if you become completely disinterested...

  • She has a knack for pooping and/or peeing the instant you go to switch out the diaper. I've smartened up and double up but before that time she successfully spread butt spray all over the couch, our bed, and about every single outfit/pajama she's worn. She also pooped in the tub once. She keeps me on my toes.
  • She has nights and days mixed up almost entirely. Her waking hours are from about 7pm to anywhere from 5-7am. During that time she never even kinda closes an eye. She's not a bad baby; she doesn't cry much. She just wants to eat and poop all night-and then such on her binky and cry when it falls out of her mouth-which is almost every 2 seconds. It's funny because I always thought the question would be when she would sleep through the night-not if she would sleep at night. We're usually just going to sleep when Todd leaves for work. I try to sleep during the day but there always seems to be things going on and stuff to be done. I probably get about 3-4 hours of sleep during the week but catch up on the weekends when daddy takes over (with the exception of feeding times obviously)!
  • She has a vigor for eating and does it about every 1.5 hours (yes I sort of feel like a milk cow). My favorite is when she comes unlatched and in a panic, she flails her head about trying to get hooked back up. It's funny. I also love when she gets full-she pulls her head back, raises her eyebrow, and gives me a look of complete satisfaction. Is breast milk laced with cocaine?
  • From the day I took her home from the hospital she started trying to lift her head. It bobbles about but she is getting stronger and strong everyday. When you talk to her, she can lift it long enough to pull her head back and have a look at you.
  • She makes the cutest face when she's just trying to wake up-it's like she raises her brows, scrunches her forehead and frowns-all the while keeping her eyes sealed shut. Adorable.
  • Sometimes she is scared by the force of her own poop.
  • She is a petite little thing, but very LONG. At birth she weighed 6.6, Then dropped to 6.1. At two weeks she was 6.10 and that's the latest. She's like in the 6th percentile or something sad but in the mid twenties for length (19 at birth, 21 at 2 weeks).
  • She is quite modest. She HATES bath time and diaper changing time. With my siblings and nieces, I always played "air out your bum" game where when enjoyed a little naked time after a good poop. Lyla hates to air out her bum. Her dad hopes this lasts into adulthood.
  • She likes to mess with her dad. His first diaper change ever she butt sprayed as he was switching out the diaper. She continues to do that. Tonight while I was in the shower she had a major blow out and left dad trying to figure out how to dress her for the first time (he did quite good).
  • She can roll to one side and prefers to sleep that way. It pisses me off (fear of SIDS and all).
  • She is a sucking fool. She loves her binky and boob but if she can't have either she'll take her fist, thumb, shirt, my finger, my shirt, and even my lower lip if I give it to her. So cute.
  • She HATES being swaddled. Every night it's a battle for who will win the swaddling contest. No matter what strategy I use, she always wins; her arms and legs are always uncovered when I peek into her bassinet. The girl's got some fight in her.
  • She startles very easily.
  • She *might* have diva qualities. Sometimes she'll be completely content until I set her down-then she'll just squeak just enough to get me to pick her up. Then not a peep.
  • She had (pre mani) freakishly long fingernails (catwoman anyone?).
  • She is sensitive to emotion. There have been a *few* times when overtaken but how lucky I am, I have held her and cried somewhat ferociously. She cries back. Whenever she's around Addy she becomes a hard core crier because she cries anytime Addy does.
  • She has good taste in music. Last night I was singing her the one lullaby I know (seriously, there needs to be a class for new moms on lullaby's or something) when she lifted up her little fist and hit my in the mouth. I can't blame her.
  • Just last week (at about exactly a month old) she smiled!!! My mom, who has mothered 5 kids, saw it and was flabbergasted. It was not a gas smile (she has those too). It was a social smile. Since she has smiled 2 more times for me, once for dad, and once for grandma (and yes I get jealous).

Did I mention she's perfect?

Here's what I've been up to the last month.....

Looking Adorable Sucking on the Binky... Perfecting my "miss priss" look Sucking my Thumb Helping mom unpack/clean Did I mention sucking my thumb?! Enjoyed some SUN in Mesquite. In my swim dress (no I didn't swim) Try to sleep while my mom bugs me. Doesn't mom look like crap? Enjoyed the night life. 4 am Got a mani (thanks mom) Enjoyed mommy time in my rockin leggins. Enjoyed Daddy Time Enjoyed some Ty time (not really though) Cheered on the COUGS Caught some Zzzs when I should be awake Looked bright eyed when I should be asleep...And in case you didn't know how cute I am, here's more pictures









Sunday, October 11, 2009

Stepping Outside myself

Man I've been massively egocentric lately. Here's two things I've been meaning to do.

Support a little gal from Utah with a rare disease she has. Her Name is Taylie. Go to her website, (http://www.tayliebug.com/), then head over to this blog , leave a comment, and money will be donated on her behalf.





Also...meet Bridget and Luke. An amazing couple hoping to adopt. I believe strongly in the power of adoption. Todd and I have had the opportunity to see the blessings adoption can bring in our very own family. I hope with everything that this deserving couple gets their chance to make a difference in the life of a child soon. They would like to spread the word. Visit their website HERE

Friday, October 9, 2009

New post

Below the "Me oh My Post"

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Me oh my

You MUST go
and check out the amazing pictures of my girl. Her cuteness knows no bounds. like really.

Monday, October 5, 2009

This post started as "the first week" and has evolved into the first three weeks. Blogging has become overwhelming because a) I have no time what with all the admiring and b) because I no longer have the ability to identify what is and is not blog worthy as every moment is of the utmost importance to me, thus making the thought of blogging quite laborious! Literally, I wake Todd from sleeping to look at her sucking her thumb. I took a picture of her first blow out (i.e. pooped through clothing). I spend any spare time i have scribbling little journalistic notes like, "you wore a purple bow today". What? I have a problem. How do I capture all of this beautifulness? Time has evolved into the meanest of crooks and makes my heart ache each day. The other day I cried because I watched her take her little mitted hand and shove her binky in her mouth. That isn't a newborn thing to do! My stomach turned the other day when my sister told me about a sale on baby food. Emotionally, i spitted back "I'm not ready to buy baby food"! I wish I could capture each minute. each second. and bottle it away.
Hmmm. I guess the next best thing is to try and capture the essence. I'll start where I left off? After two lovely days in the hospital (I truly don't know why people say they hate staying in the hospital after birth...I loved it. Just focus on you and baby. That's it) we headed home....to our new house!!! That's right. My amazing family broke into our new house and basically painted the entire house (we had HORRIBLE paint...the only change needed), moved in our essentials (like our bed), and most importantly, completed the nursery. They did it all..from putting the crib together to painting the walls pink and installing the bead board. I can't tell you how amazing it was to come home to her room all completed just how I had imagined it. Of course I cried. It touched me so. We have been so amazed by the kindness of our families. The weekend after Lyla was born, Todd's mom and niece and her friend came down and helped us move the remainder of our stuff. That was so kind of them and meant so much to us. Lyla, of course, loved meeting her grammy and cousin. My mom stayed with me the first night to help me during the night and then stayed the entire first week Todd went back to work (still working out of town :() So many of my friends have left supportive phone calls, dinners and gifts. I don't know what we would've done without all the help. I guess it takes a village...thank you everyone.
Since coming home from the hospital, I have basically been living a dream...
There has been the challenges....
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the sleeplessness (Lyla is confused about night and day. She is the easiest baby and never cries inconsolably...she just wants to eat and poop all night long), the recovery (nobody tells you about some of this yuckiness you endure), breastfeeding ineptness (deserves a post of its own), and the hormones (I haven't felt this crazy since my birth control days). But oh how these dwindle when I look into her perfect little face. Can I say how blessed I feel without sounding lame? I feel like the most special person in the world. I keep waiting for God to realize he made a mistake because there's no possible way I deserve this. Ahh the moments... watching her sleep in the utmost peace. Meeting her gaze as she looks up at me while eating like a little piggy. Laughing as she poops while her dad tries to change her for the first time. Beaming with love as Todd grows into the most perfect dad. Watching her kick out of her blankets in an almost defiant way. Catching glimpses of me and her dad in her beautiful features. Reveling in each tiny, perfect feature...ears, lips, nose fingers, toes. Feeling apologetic as I watch her afro grow each day (I asked the Lord not to give her my curly hair!). Feeling physical pain when she is away from me (okay, i've only left her once for like 15 minutes but showers count don't they?). Feeling pride as she progresses developmentally (silly things like finally kicking the jaundice [without lights] sent me into tears of complete joy). And simply waking up to a perfectly evolving creature each day. ....

(these pictures are in reverse chronological order...too lazy)