Letters to Lyla and Lottie

You have to read the whole thing for it to make sense

A is for April. The month we'll become a family of 4 (at least I hope anyway...I better not go into May!!). I've always thought spring is a perfect time to have a baby. You get to be fat during the winter months and have the baby when the weather is mild and temperate.



B is for breastfeeding no more. Lyla was so easy to ween and was completely done at 13 months (It was my neediness that made it go longer). She went straight to milk in a sippy. I was so surprised since she was such an addict for so long. My doc says I shouldn't expect my milk to dry up since now my body's working for #2. Pretty crazy I'll basically go 4 years of being either pregnant or breastfeeding.



C is for Clinical. Licensed Clinical Social Worker that is! I got my LCSW last month. This means I'm no longer supervised and can have a private practice. It's supposed to mean more money too (we'll see).



D is for driver's license. Utah law says once a person is diagnosed with Epilepsy, they cannot legally drive for a minimum of 3 months. My doc sent in my revocation the day he told me I had Epilepsy this has caused a lot of stress as you might imagine.



E is for Epilepsy. My EEG (crazy test where they hook all these tiny wires to your brain and make you sleep) apparently indicated that my left frontal lobe has seizures. All my incidences (like even back from when I found out I was pregnant with Lyla) were just misdiagnosed as my heart-or wrongly blamed on my heart because I have an arrhythmia (but it is not causing the problems). All I really remember is the neurologist saying things like "everyone has a disability, this is just yours" and telling me to join support groups. I just wanted to say shut up, I'm fine, tell what this really means.



F is for fatigue. I am SOOOO much more tired this pregnancy. At first I attributed it to Miss Lyla but now she is a champion sleeper and I'm still so tired. It's a different kind of tired than sleep deprivation. It's fatigue. I try to nap with Lyla but I just seem to have too much going on.



G is for Glee. The whole family loves this show! Lyla boogies with every song.



Halloween. I love this holiday and will post soon. Lyla owned her bumble bee costume.



I is for Intermountain. My employer no more. After a lot of pros and cons and pep talks from Todd, I quit my hospice medical social worker job. It didn't bring in that much money but required me to be on call essentially 7 days a week. It felt like I was working all the time but getting paid nothing. Stress + little money=quitting time.



J is for Jazz. Todd's sister gave us her company's tickets which her $114 a pop! They were great seats. It was my first time going to a pro basketball game. Todd and I had a great time on date night since we never do that.



K is for Klohe. The first name of my new, amazing neurologist at IMC in Salt Lake. She has taken a much more conservative approach to my neurological issues. She DID NOT think it was advantageous for me to take the seizure meds while pregnant and is okay with me waiting to start them until I'm done breastfeeding baby #2. She also says I can drive as long as I pull over when I have the vision problems. She is my hero. I cried when I left her office as my initial consult was so devastating. It's no fun to be told you can't legally drive, have to take meds that may cause your baby to have a cleft lip, and can never breastfeed again.



L is for Lamictal. This is the drug my original neurologist prescribed to manage my seizures. I was told it may or may not cause birth defects like cleft lip. Taking it also requires that I NEVER breastfeed again. He said my options were to take the meds or not be his patient anymore. I'm not his patient anymore.



M is for morning sickness. I actually understand the word this time around! It's not so bad to puke up breakfast when you know you'll feel better as the day goes on. I kind of crawl out to the kitchen each morning, nab Lyla and I food, and feed her in the recliner. It makes a huge mess but it's how i survive. Then by noon I'm feeling amazing.



N is for Nutella. I owe this product my life since it's the only way I convince my child to eat anything remotely healthy.



O is for Odyssey. Part of Todd's reaction to this new baby has been anxiety-ridden planning. One night he stayed up all night, downloaded this app to his phone and starting researching vans and applying it to our budget. Cute huh? Apparently Honda Odyssey is the one to buy but we'll wait a few years since we just paid off our car.


P is for Private Practice. I was recently given the opportunity to be a referral source for students at a boarding school in town. All students come from a treatment facility and are required to participate in therapy. The school recommends a few options to each family and I'm now an option. When I do get referrals, I'll be functioning as a private practice. I've got to figure out the billing thing and get an office before that, but it's exciting.



Q is for Queen. Lyla is definitely taking on a queen bee persona. She won't even let me hold her dolly! She also pushes her little pink chair in the center of the living room for all to admire her.



R is for refurbished. I've been trying to get smart about space saving, etc for the new addition. Thank you craigslist for great old used furniture that looks new with a can of spray paint and hardware. I recently found a solid 2 drawer night stand I'm going to put in our room to serve as the diapering center. Out with the space hog, changing table!



S is for smell. I've been much more offended by smells this pregnancy.



T is for Todd. He says there's nothing new with him. He stretches his handiness every day doing things around the house. He recently rewired the cable up through the attic so that it could be on a different wall. I was impressed. Both BYU and Denver aren't having the best of seasons which makes for eventful game nights.



U is for University. We're already arguing about what school we want Lyla to go to. I say no to BYU because I have a fear she'll get married at age 19. Hahaha.



Violet. From Private Practice the show. I love her.



Walking. Lyla is sooo close. She takes up to 5 steps but then plops down. It'll be nuts when she's just trucking around the house.



X is for The XY Chromosome. I am convinced this baby is a BOY! Mainly because I haven't been nearly as sick this time around. There's been other differences too like I had instant heartburn with this babe, I cry double the amount and I get turned off by smell so much easier. I know this doesn't necessarily mean anything but It's my prediction. It's great because either outcome is a great one! Boy means we get both flavors. Girl means fun little sisters. Win-Win.



Y is for THE Y of course. I might not want Lyla to go there but I'm still a supporter overall. I get the biggest smile thinking about Todd taking our brood to the games all decked out in blue.



Z is for Zombies. We saw some killer ones at Thriller! We love going to Thriller in Tuacahn. Lyla slept pretty much the whole time and luckily it was a warm night so she and I just snuggled in the blankets while I enjoyed the show!

A woman that's breastfeeding full time

A couple with supposedly a 3% chance of getting pregnant when trying

A couple who required THREE inseminations with drugs up the ying yang to get pg the 1sr time

A man who is gone 3 nights out of the week

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Without going into too much detail about our "infertility" I would like to add that our problem wasn't anything to do with my plumbing so while we've heard about infertile women who get prego quickly after delivering, we thought we were exempt to the whole plumbing-getting-cleaned out rule

Our conversations were never about how we wanted to space our children because he learned early on that we're not in control (literally). We had decided we'd wait 2-3 years and then head back in for IUI (insemination), hoping after that it wouldn't take another 2 years. hahahaha.

For about 2 days I was filled with a great deal of anxiety and guilt. Mainly guilt. Would Lyla be resentful? Would her needs be met? Would I contemplate death daily for the next year? Remember, my pregnancy was ROUGH, my family is spaced very far apart, and I couldn't image caring for Lyla while throwing up all day for the next 9 months.

...fast forwards a few weeks. We had a little bit of a perfect storm. I was diagnosed with Epilepsy and with it came a lot of stress (hello, driver's license revoked, etc). A few days later the 3 of us (and my whole family) came down with this HORRIBLE flu/cold. Congestion, sore throat, fever, etc. etc. I didn't dare take anything and my ear drum burst from all the congestion. It lasted 2 weeks in everyone that got it. We're talking super bug. Let me add that simultaneously, morning sickness set in. Me oh my. Earlier than with Lyla. From week 6-8 I was throwing up every 3 hours all day AND all night. I couldn't keep anything down. Lyla was in a teething funk and still not sleeping through the night anyway so I was surviving on 4 hours of sleep a night if I was lucky. Each time she woke in the night, I had to run and throw up. I was sooo tired from being sick and pregnant and being up with Lyla. I did my best to pretend to be happy and play with Lyla but it was so hard. She always (and still does) accompanied me to the bathroom and tried to play in the toilet. I got good at pushing her hand away, aiming the barf, holding my hair, and pinching for life so I wouldn't pee my pants all at once. lol. Did I mention Todd was still traveling and gone from Mon-Thurs night? I wasn't even thinking about how there was no way I was going to survive all this because I was in zombie mode. It was so hard for about 3 weeks.

...and as if Heavenly Father new I couldn't take any more, my morning sickness dissipated like I didn't think possible!!! Since about 8 weeks I feel SOOOO amazing. I wake with sickness and have a daily morning barf but then I feel good, like human good the rest of the day. Feeling decent while pregnant is such a novel thought to me!! I'm beyond grateful. Its' been the biggest blessing.

I now just marvel at where we are now, after where we were just 2 years ago. I feel so unworthy of this amazing opportunity I get to have...again! And for free this time! I know there will be rough patches ahead, but how minor those are, knowing I'm blessed with something I wasn't sure I'd ever have again. I already feel achy for that warm cuddly newborn to be in my arms. Life is so amazing. And now I'm crying, so I'll go. Love you readers of mine!!