Letters to Lyla and Lottie

My family has this lame Thanksgiving tradition where we go around the table and list some things we're thankful for. While I've always despised this tradition it got me thinking. Some things I give thanks for...

1) To be graced with the opportunity to love and be loved. Some people believe this is a given; I don't. I give thanks for every day I am blessed with the serendipitous opportunity to love and be loved by my other half and by the significant persons in my life.

2) To be born in the United States. I hear so much hate and contempt for those desirous to share in this blessing. While I will try to sidestep a political banter, I attended a presentation by a woman who crossed the boarder illegally nearly thirty years ago. She worked nearly twenty years on a potato farm in Idaho with most of her earnings sent to her family in Mexico. She has lost three family members since the increased boarder patrol has forced seekers to cross high in the unforgiving mountains. A realization shook me to the utter core; I will never know what it's like to be prosecuted for the color of my skin; to be prosecuted and driven out of the only place I knew was home for political reasons that had nothing to do with me. I will never know what it's like to sacrifice everything to come to a place where I am hated; so that I can work 14 hours a day doing jobs that are generally reserved for oxen and heavy machinery. This, only to send my meager minimum wages to my family who unbelievably has it worse than me. Our contempt for these people comes from a place of white privilege. I'm sorry you might have to pay 15 cents more on taxes a year because one of our human machines (who didn't have health insurance) got hurt in working conditions pigs aren't even subjected to and that we had to foot the bill. I am sorry. I give thanks.

3) For every function my body performs autonomously without my conscious even registering it. My life would lack meaning if I could not hear the vibrations of a string. My life would lack purpose if I could not read the smile and life lines on a loved one's face. My life would lack reason if I could not learn of this universe in literary form.

4) For having the privilege to be ignorant about the war in Iraq. I see a client who recently returned from duty. I see the ripple effect of a damaged life that will never be returned to its original state. I give thanks for not having to survey a room each time I enter it to assess for threats. I give thanks that I can walk through campus without checking people's hands for weapons. I give thanks for not having images of my dismembered best friend force its way into my conscious each time I close my eyes. I give thanks that I have the PRIVILEGE to still believe there is good in this universe.

5) For the opportunity to have received a first-rate education with little or no sacrifice. I give thanks for not having been the first person in my family to have ever gone to college. For the opportunity to attend college without the guilt that my family will suffer while I become a better person. I give thanks that each paper I wrote, each grade I received and each class I attended was not weighed down with the voices of doubt; the voices screaming that I can't overcome impossible odds; the voices backed by statistics that say I will ultimately fail.

6)For being born with an sexual orientation towards men. I give thanks for the opportunity to be legally and lawfully married through whatever sanction I desire. I give thanks that my husband and I can get a tax break and have shared insurance just because we have the appropriate anatomical parts. I give thanks that if my husband were to get in a serious accident, I could be by his bedside providing the love and support that only a partner can give. That me, being the most invested in his well being, is granted the ability to make decisions on his behalf.

7)For having my addictions being limited to sugar and TV. I give thanks that each millisecond of my day is not overshadowed and enslaved by the demands of a real drug. I give thanks that I can sleep at night without my addiction waking me; that my addiction costs at most 5 bucks a day; and that my family will still love me if I submit to my addition. I give thanks that my mother did not buy me cigarettes when i was thirteen. That I am not just one of a million people who statistics will say I'm doomed to smoke tobacco and use elicit drugs just because my parents did, because I'm black, or because I'm poor. I give thanks that I've never seen either of my parents place a 2-inch needle in their veins powerless to the chains that engulf them. I give thanks.

8) Lastly, I give thanks that I am a woman. I give thanks for being raised by a strong, independent woman who taught me to want everything from life and to expect nothing less. While I could go on and on about the things men could be giving thanks for, since running an all-male therapeutic process group, I have come to give thanks for being a female (not of course discounting the oppression of females). I give thanks that when I am around people of my same sex I do not have to behave in socially acceptable ways so as not to have my sexuality questioned and mistaken. I give thanks that I wasn't taught that emotions weren't okay; that i was to suck it up and move on. I give thanks that I was not given the burden of being solely responsible for a family of whatever proportion. I give thanks that I can be weak in spirit, but not in person.

I give thanks.